So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize