I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
