how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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