Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
