If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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