im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
