its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
