so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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