Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
