A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
