so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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