i will never coherently bang her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize