I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
