brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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