did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
