you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize