ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
