Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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