You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
