how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
