I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
