Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
