Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
