You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
