Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
