I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
