He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize