DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
