Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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