HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it penis luge time yet?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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