Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish there were birth control emojis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
