I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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