i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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