she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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