i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize