Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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