He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
