Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
