guys are not supposed to queef...right?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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