What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize