I'm lost and stupid without you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
