Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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