Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
