Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
