he thought i was a dude.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
