You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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