she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
