Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
