but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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