How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
