now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
