I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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