Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
