I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
