i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
