First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
