So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize