Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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