I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just crazy horny about you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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