You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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