please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
