No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
