Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
