Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
