my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The adults are the big ones right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
