i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
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