Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize