dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
