I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
