I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
