My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
