So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
