He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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