You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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