Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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